Declining a job offer that promises life back in the big city turns out to be a more difficult ordeal than getting fired. What’s even more torturous is breaking it out to the person you never want to disappoint. I am indebted to this person for the trust generously bestowed on me and the tremendous belief in my professional capacity. For a people pleaser like me, accepting the offer is a great opportunity to translate my gratitude into action. Furthermore, the prospect of starting afresh in a city that’s no longer completely foreign to me seems all too inviting, and promising. I’d be lying if I say it didn’t get me excited initially.
I am (or used to be) a good follower, resilient with change, and great at carrying out orders. Over the years, it appears that I had been under a misguided notion of obedience. Whenever I had to make a decision, I usually end up choosing what I thought was the right choice because it was altruistic. Alright, in general we are advised to “Take your time, think about it well, feel free to decide.” Yes, we are offered a choice, but the truth is, we are actually expected to choose what is expected of us. That’s the more acceptable norm.
The difference now is I am fully exercising my decision-making power, utilizing the wondrous gift of free will and whatever little sense of responsibility I have that has helped shape my life. This can be a tough task especially when confronted by decisions that have life-changing consequences. But once the hurdle is passed, it’s a rather fulfilling and freeing experience. Ultimately, it is a great lesson on self-knowledge: being more attuned to one’s inner voice, having the courage to unearth the skeletons neatly wrapped away, and laying a firm foundation to rebuild one’s self against the backdrop of a hope.
In the end, I choose life and everything that allows for my own to flourish to the fullest. My life isn’t defined by what I do for a living. I am not my job. I am more than the things I do, think and feel. Thus, there is no need to prove anything to anybody. I am liberated from the uncanny snares of the past. In life, there is no sure guarantee and no warranty for mistakes. But there is an infinity pool filled with second chances. And it is enough to take comfort in that knowledge as I brave through the battles of each day with all it’s promising adventures.